How to zen-ify your child. Or not.

So we're having a little disagreement here, me and the Inner Child. We' were getting along oh-so fabulously until we had an "incident" on Saturday. See, a while back, we both agreed that it could be fun to do yoga. There's a hot yoga studio up the street, and it would be warm and relaxing. And so a few weeks ago, we tried it out, and we really liked it! It was so zen, the instructor had the most soothing voice, and we made it through the whole thing in 37 degrees Celcius. We were so proud of us!

Fast forward to Saturday. We went again. We got there early, put down our mat and just relaxed and enjoyed the heat and peacefulness. But then, the Inner Child got a bit antsy. What was all that rustling? "Don't worry," I told her, "Just keep relaxing." Finally we opened our eyes to look around - it was getting pretty crowded, and then I saw the man next to me gesturing for me to move over, even closer to the person next to me who was already only a foot and a half away. "It's ok" I reassured her, it's just a busy day here.

But the people kept coming, and when the instructor asked us all to move closer together, since "a hand of space is all you need" in between you and the next person, the Inner Child started to get angry. I was having a hard time calming her down, as I don't like crowded spaces myself. I do have a personal space bubble, and I have built it in such a way that it spans quite a bit futher than "a hand away".

The class started, and I kept trying to keep my concentration, but inside, the Inner Child was having a hissy fit. Nothing could calm her down. And then things got worse. The woman next to us repeatedly swooped her hands into the air - normally all cool in yoga - but a little startling when she misses your face by a fraction of an inch each time. And as much as the instructor told us that "it's ok if your hand touches your neighbour's", the Inner Child and I both knew that to us, it really wasn't. And then, the worst thing - while everyone was lying on their backs, we were intructed to pull one knee to our chest. As we heard the collective slap of 128 hands grabbing at a knee (and hopefully their own, but in such close quarters, it really is hard to tell), we also felt a smattering of random stranger sweat spray all over us. It was gross. And even I couldn't convince the Inner Child that it was all ok.

So we just lay there for the rest of the class, fuming at what an awful experience it was and refusing to do the rest of the poses. Although the Inner Child remained very angry, I eventually started to calm down a little bit. I wondered why I was so angry. Was it really the lack of space, the annoying instructor and the poor instructions that left me clueless for many of the poses? Or was the yoga just doing what it was supposed to - putting me in touch with my emotions to go deeper within myself? It could very well be a bit of both.

Since then, I have decided that I will keep working at the yoga. It's one of the things I have a very strong gut instinct about, and I really feel I need to do it. But the Inner Child isn't as easily convinced. She's stomping her feet and sulking. I'm not sure if I should try to find her a new yoga studio or go back to this one at a less busy time (which they could not really assure me ever happens). I feel bad that I put her through that, but at the same time, I know we need to do it. I just hope we both find our zen soon.

PS. So totally un-yoga related, I have been doing some more cooking à-la-vegan (or as close to it as I can manage right now). If you're curious to see what I've been feeding myself lately, or are just puzzled by the whole thing, feel free to have a look.