I worry about losing my house. It's a cause for concern, especially considering that I don't own a house. Not anymore.
For a long time, owning a house was my biggest dream. Once I had finished paying my student debt, I just kept right on living my very modest lifestyle. I wasn't used to fancy stuff, so why start now? Although in retrospect, it makes me sad to think of all the things that I deprived myself of to save all of my pennies - like new clothes, outings, vacations, even brand-name toilet paper - at that time, each saved dollar got me closer to my dream.
It seems I was quite good at saving, and by the age of 25, I was the proud owner of an 800 square foot condo that cost more than a 3 bedroom house in my hometown. But it still wasn't a house. A few years later, I moved to a townhome that I had anticipated would be my home for a good ten years. A mere 10 months later, it was on the market again, and once it was sold, my portion of the dream was handed over to me in the form of a cheque.
I've been very hesitant about spending that money. At first, I bought a few things for me to enjoy, nothing too frivolous - a laptop, a desperately needed new wardrobe since all of my clothes were now a few sizes too large. I furnished my new apartment, took a few classes at Second City so that I could misbehave and say dirty words in front of strangers. But I was always careful not to spend too much of it. It was, after all, the house money.
"Was" is the key word though, and it's been proving to be quite troublesome for me. The house "was" my dream, and it's not anymore, but a little part of my heart is still holding on to it. Although I would love to have a house again someday, that time isn't now, and my gut certainly doesn't hesitate to let me know this. Yet in a hidden corner of my brain, there is a thought that lingers and its job is to think that if this money is used up, the dream of a house will also be spent.
Today little blog, I'm so very thankful that through you, I can release this dream back into the Universe. It's left me many blessings; they're like good dream-karma with endless amounts of energy to put towards my heart's new desires. But before you can take in anything new, you first have to make space to welcome it. And let's face it, a vacant house with a yard overgrown with fear and old attachments isn't the most inviting of places. So come on over new dreams, the previous guest has now come and left. Make yourself at home - it might be a little messy, but please know that at the very least, my heart will always be in the right place.
PS: As you can see, there is no photo today. But, I was very brave and decided to cook two things from my new vegan cookbook. If you'd like to see, come have a look - since me trying to cook is quite unheard of, I've decided to document. WARNING: this is not food porn. It's more like a low-budget documentary.
...And the vegan food you made last night was DELICIOUS! I can still taste those sweet potatoes and veggies drenched in thick Cumin ans Basil broth. And those Blueberry muffins: YUMMAY!!
ReplyDeleteSorry but did you drop the tray before taking the picture, is that how those 3 muffins escaped ;-) I'm sure they taste delicious Sylvie, well Mario says they do.......
ReplyDeleteThat has to count for something. Cudos for trying something new and it being edible and healthy !
Way to go
I was going to comment on your dream but I got side-tracked when I saw the bowl of veggies! Yum (say my eyes)!
ReplyDeleteLast night before going to bed I read your blog and then I posted comments on your pictures, but I don't see them. You were able to comment on the actual pictures, I signed in, etc, but no comments, do you have to be on twitter? Anyway, the soup looked really good, the picture was so nice, I could almost taste it. It looks like a picture you would see on the food network. I love soup on cold winter days. And the muffins looked yummy, can you share the recipe?
ReplyDeleteAnd now on to your "dream" house. A house is simply a house, but a home is another matter. They say home is where the heart is and it's so true. You could be living in a beautiful mansion and be miserable; the house itself will not bring you happiness. It's who you share the house with that will make it a home. So, for now your pretty apartment is your home, it's not even just an apartment anymore, it's a home, because you decorated it with your own style and now Mario has added his touch. I love your apartment, and now Renee told me that even with the latest additions, drums, etc that it looks pretty good. The main thing is that the people in this home are happy, they love life and they look forward to doing things together, like your trip to Moncton in the summer, etc. And on days when you're not doing much, just the thought that you share a home with someone you love makes even the simple things in life seem special, like watching a movie, playing a board game, sipping on a cup of coffee on a quiet morning, or going for a long walk.
So, if you still have a dream of owning a house, hold on to that dream, if we want something bad enough in life we make it happen; and knowing you I know that if someday you want to make that dream come true, you will. And when the dream is shared with someone you love, it will for sure come true.
But for now, enjoy life, spend some of the house money, it's just house money. Go ahead and buy the expensive toilet paper, it's gotta make you happy, have you ever seen any of the commercials on TV, everyone that uses the good bathroom tissue, they all seem so darn happy, even the bears like it. :-)
Always hold on to your dreams, but don't stress yourself out over the house money, life is meant to live, so enjoy yourself. If you spend some of the money on a trip or anything else that you would like, don't consider it house money, it's life money. Just think of all the sacrifices you made to get that house money, you earned it, so enjoy it.
Mom XOXOXO