Out of my mind

I spend a lot of time in my own head. You would think that it would be nice, cozy and relaxing - why else would someone linger there for hours. But it's not! It's very noisy. There are thoughts whirling around, nailing me from every angle, they crash together and then I try to put them back where they belong. Maybe that explains why Stress has bought a chunk of property there...

You would think that in my 31 years, I would have figured this out sooner, but with all the hustle and bustle going on up there, I was too busy to even notice. But I have now, and I'm curious to know what it might be like in the 'ol nogan if it were quiet, or at least just a bit more of an organized debate.

And so, tonight, I am going to try and meditate. I'm very curious to see what this will be like. I've tried it before at home, and although it's been lovely to just lay quietly and listen to a nice man on a tape tell me to picture pretty things, it doesn't really do much for me. And I can REALLY hear the noise while I'm doing it. "I'm not really comfortable" "don't move though, you're supposed to stay still", "my nose is itchy, should I scratch it?", "Hee hee! That word sounded funny!", "Don't laugh - you're supposed to be quiet", "I wonder how much longer this is going to last", "I should have peed before I started" and on and on and on....

So the kicker about this evening, is that it's a guided meditation. With other people around me. And instead of tape of a man's voice, it will be a real person, a nice woman that I've spoken to on the phone. I feel like I'm taking a kid to kindergarten for the first time - you know, the day the parent gets to stay and observe for a while. I hope I behave.