More than Mother's Day

Confusion has a way of striking when you least expect it.  I suppose the element of surprise is its secret weapon.

Today is the very first time that I celebrate mother's day not only to honour my own Mom and all the other Moms in my life, but that I have been receiving mother's day wishes of my own. And I've been very surprised at my own reaction.

Over the years, Mother's Day had taken on a strange feel for me.  It was always a day where I would think of my own Mom, and some years it was filled with the hope that I would someday soon become a Mom too, but there were some years where it was a day where I was reminded of how upset I was that for some reason unknown to me, I still wasn't a Mom.  And those were not fun.  Along with feeling sad about it, I also felt like a bit of a freak.  I mean, who gets upset about Mother's Day?

When they day finally came and we got the news that we would indeed be parents, I vowed that I would make sure to share that side of my story.  Hearing stories about other people who had a difficult road to parenthood made me feel better when times were tough.  It made me feel less alone, and it was always encouraging to hear that someone had made it to the other side.  Folks are not always quick to talk about it out in the open, but there are so many couples out there who are or have been on that rough road.

However I've been dragging my feet on sharing this so publicly.  It's not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed, but when I found out I was going to be a Mom, I was just so relieved.  I wanted to put aside all the worry, the stress and the unpleasant feelings and just enjoy the crap out of being pregnant.  And I'm so, so glad that I did.  

In hindsight though, I'm so grateful that the Universe chose this moment for all of this to happen.  Years ago, telling myself that the time just wasn't right was cold comfort, but knowing it now brings me a tremendous sense of peace about the whole experience.  I've also found that those difficulties allowed me to appreciate each moment of this pregnancy and gave me the determination to do things my way.  While I hope we'll have as many children as we wish, appreciating this wonderful blessing for the miracle that it is has helped me set aside my fears and make decisions based on what I feel is best.  Our "next time" (and just about everything in life) is not a guarantee, and I'm determined to follow my heart and not let first-time jitters stop me.  

Although I started this day a little teary-eyed and confused, I'm thankful to finally be able to set aside all those sad feelings from years past and enjoy this beautiful day.  Although I must admit that it does feel rather odd to be celebrated.  To me, today is more like a day to give thanks and appreciate the wonderful gift that we've been given.

So off I go to make the most of this sunny Mother's day.  I have phone calls to make, a walk to take, even lobster claws to break... and just seven more days until our due date!